In the past week, I have been reflecting on the many memories I have had with Jackie for the past 21 years. She was my neighbor first and then became my friend. We moved into the neighborhood together during the same month into our brand new homes we had built by Drees in 1990. Believe me, we have done A LOT of complaining about Drees together … Being her neighbor, I learned a lot from her…how to trim bushes in my landscape, how to take care of plants and how to stop a toilet from overflowing out my front door. She kept me updated on the neighborhood happenings as she knew a lot of people in the neighborhood being an outside person.
Being neighbors grew into being friends as we experienced life together. We began to feel free to knock on each others’ door whenever we needed something or just felt like sharing yummy food or life’s most recent happenings. I helped her through her divorce as I had gone through a divorce before her and she helped me through my cancer as she had walked that path before me. We would open the door for each other and the other would say…”You are not going to believe this…” at some point, both of our lives could have been on the Jerry Springer show…she started going to church with me as well as her boys and we went to a Bible Study together. This prompted a lot of deep discussion about our spiritual journey and Christian walk with each other. I remember when she was diagnosed with cancer and listening to her talk about how she was going to deal with it…” I am going to do whatever I need to do to stay on this earth as long as I can for my boys!” She had such a strong spirit and walked the road ahead of her with determination that some might call “stubbornness”. She never gave up through 3 stem cell transplants, chemo multiple times, radiation multiple times and having fractures from her cancer causing her to have brittle bones. She would often say, “I have to do whatever it takes…God will help me get through it” She took care of herself by exercising when she could, eating right and learning how to not let stress take over her body. Even when I moved out of the neighborhood, we continued to help each other out in life…she did the cake for Wayne and I’s wedding in 1999 and was so excited about life moving on for me. I ran a marathon in 2008 in honor of her and raised money for research of blood cancers. When I felt like quitting training because it was getting too hard….I thought, “How can I ever tell Jackie that I quit training to run a marathon for her when she was running the marathon of her life in fighting cancer?”…that alone kept me going. She came over when she heard of my diagnosis of cancer and said to me without batting an eye---“You will do whatever you need to do to get rid of it no matter what…you will get through it! Don’t overthink it!”…that perspective helped me decide on the right treatment option for me even though it was the most difficult …On the day of my surgery, thinking of Jackie and her long battle with cancer gave me perspective---What would Jackie give to know she could have a surgery and be cancer-free when she went to bed that night—it helped change my fears and anxieties into feeling lucky and knowing I had a lot to be thankful for.
She taught me how to celebrate life and to do what you want to do in life now…don’t wait! In the 9 years after her diagnosis with cancer, she did everything she could to create memories with her boys by going whitewater rafting with them, going to Hawaii, going on a cruise and going to Europe. As friends, we celebrated every remission of her cancer together. One of my favorite memories was her taking Wayne and I out to eat at the best restaurant we had ever been to….the PRIMAVISTA…on a gift certificate left behind by a certain someone. We all dressed up and enjoyed a window seat overlooking Cincinnati making fun of the hoity-toity waiters…feeling a little out of place. She would say…” This is what life should be…celebrating good times!”
Another thing I appreciated about Jackie was her honesty—she said what she was thinking. There was no guessing about what she was feeling or thinking about a situation you were talking with her about. She would let me know in a good way the best way to help her or not help her right up until the very end. There is a lot to be said for that…
Last of all, I will never forget the last hospitalization when Wayne and I visited her---I saw her cry for the first time ever. She gave me a big hug telling me that she thought it was going to be IT when she came to the emergency room in an ambulance. She said “There is a path that is set out before me and I have to journey through it”…She told me she had been praying a lot and we prayed together several times in her last week…It wasn’t long after that she discharged herself from the hospital. I remember getting the text from her saying she was going home. I was surprised and asked, “Did the doctor discharge you or did you decide to leave?”…she texted back…”Piss on the doctors! I have had enough” After nine years, I told her it was OK to think that way…I never think of her as giving up but giving in to the cancer that was ravaging her body and making it unable to heal itself…after that point, she began to talk about death very openly and started making plans like it was one more thing she had to go through. She accepted it with grace and determination just like everything else in life. She was definitely more comfortable talking about it than the rest of us.
No matter what treatment she was going through…one thing was constant that kept her going…her determination to be here for her boys. She is so proud of both Ben and Michael and would tell me that over and over again even in her last days. I have learned from Jackie how to celebrate life and not take any moment for granted. It is comforting to me to think of her having a perfect body now…being at peace and being loved on by her Heavenly Father… I will have to say I am a little jealous of that! I will always treasure the gift of her friendship and the lessons she taught me in living and dying.
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.
I'm following the path God has laid you see.
I took His hand when I heard His call,
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day, to laugh, to love,
to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way,
I found the peace at the close of the day.
If my parting has left a void, then fill it with
remembered joys.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much,
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee,
God wanted me now, He set me free.
-Unknown Author
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