GRATITUDE TURNS WHAT YOU HAVE INTO ENOUGH...

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for being cancer-free and for God's love that never changes in our lives that are always changing...Wayne is thankful the post office is closed on Thanksgiving and that our family enjoys being around each other...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2011

TWO YEARS AGO TODAY....11/6/2009

WOW!  Wayne reminded me two nights ago about my two year anniversary of being diagnosed with breast cancer...it is funny how I forget the exact day but Wayne remembers...The day before I heard of a friend I had recently met having her cancer return and being in the hospital...my heart went out to her and I just felt like I should do something....I don't know her all that well but she is a regular customer in the restaurant I work at 2 nights/week. It is funny how we had already shared our journey with cancer with each other.  She is so young and her journey has been so much harder than mine.  She is a sweet person and my heart is heavy for her this morning....God has a purpose when he brings people in your path...praying that God shows me the right way to respond to her....I want to help but in an appropriate way....not knowing her that well....I just wasn't sure what to do or how to get ahold of her.

Later that evening I felt the need to go to the restaurant which  is right up the street for no reason except that I was a little bored ... (Being bored is a new feeling that I have not gotten used to since the kids have left to go to college.)  I walk in and she was sitting at the bar getting ready to order her meal...I knew there was a reason I felt the urge to go there...we shared a meal and chatted about her upcoming surgery on Thursday...she is such a trooper and has already been through so much....We shared contact information, gave each other hugs and walked away knowing each other a little better...She told me all she wants is prayers and positive thoughts...no one feeling sorry or pity for her....I know the feeling.  I feel more comfortable now reaching out to her in this situation and I think it is amazing that God knew exactly what I needed to be comfortable being a support for her...I love those answers to prayers that happen in 24 hours, don't you??

Wayne and I celebrated my two year cancer-free anniversary at Behle Street Cafe...the same place we did last year...it is definitely a special treat !  I can't believe it has been two years...I don't think of my cancer very often...which is right where I want to be...I don't really think of more surgery as something I want to go through right now...life has gone on with many changes and Wayne continues to be patient with me (Thank goodness!)...I take myself a little less seriously these days trying to find something everyday to laugh about.   I also find myself treasuring moments a little more often than I did in the past...Thank God for those moments! 

TRIBUTE TO JACKIE...my friend

Marilyn Meberg said it best when she said, “I LOVE THE FACT THAT God IS A God WHO ENCOURAGES RELATIONSHIPS NOT JUST WITH HIMSELF BUT WITH EACH OTHER. I AM THOROUGHLY CONVINCED THAT God LOVES US, ENCOURAGES US, NURTURES US AND SUPPORTS US THROUGH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS. This quote reminds me of Jackie and I’s relationship…


In the past week, I have been reflecting on the many memories I have had with Jackie for the past 21 years. She was my neighbor first and then became my friend. We moved into the neighborhood together during the same month into our brand new homes we had built by Drees in 1990. Believe me, we have done A LOT of complaining about Drees together … Being her neighbor, I learned a lot from her…how to trim bushes in my landscape, how to take care of plants and how to stop a toilet from overflowing out my front door. She kept me updated on the neighborhood happenings as she knew a lot of people in the neighborhood being an outside person.

Being neighbors grew into being friends as we experienced life together. We began to feel free to knock on each others’ door whenever we needed something or just felt like sharing yummy food or life’s most recent happenings. I helped her through her divorce as I had gone through a divorce before her and she helped me through my cancer as she had walked that path before me. We would open the door for each other and the other would say…”You are not going to believe this…” at some point, both of our lives could have been on the Jerry Springer show…she started going to church with me as well as her boys and we went to a Bible Study together. This prompted a lot of deep discussion about our spiritual journey and Christian walk with each other. I remember when she was diagnosed with cancer and listening to her talk about how she was going to deal with it…” I am going to do whatever I need to do to stay on this earth as long as I can for my boys!” She had such a strong spirit and walked the road ahead of her with determination that some might call “stubbornness”. She never gave up through 3 stem cell transplants, chemo multiple times, radiation multiple times and having fractures from her cancer causing her to have brittle bones. She would often say, “I have to do whatever it takes…God will help me get through it” She took care of herself by exercising when she could, eating right and learning how to not let stress take over her body. Even when I moved out of the neighborhood, we continued to help each other out in life…she did the cake for Wayne and I’s wedding in 1999 and was so excited about life moving on for me. I ran a marathon in 2008 in honor of her and raised money for research of blood cancers. When I felt like quitting training because it was getting too hard….I thought, “How can I ever tell Jackie that I quit training to run a marathon for her when she was running the marathon of her life in fighting cancer?”…that alone kept me going. She came over when she heard of my diagnosis of cancer and said to me without batting an eye---“You will do whatever you need to do to get rid of it no matter what…you will get through it! Don’t overthink it!”…that perspective helped me decide on the right treatment option for me even though it was the most difficult …On the day of my surgery, thinking of Jackie and her long battle with cancer gave me perspective---What would Jackie give to know she could have a surgery and be cancer-free when she went to bed that night—it helped change my fears and anxieties into feeling lucky and knowing I had a lot to be thankful for.

She taught me how to celebrate life and to do what you want to do in life now…don’t wait! In the 9 years after her diagnosis with cancer, she did everything she could to create memories with her boys by going whitewater rafting with them, going to Hawaii, going on a cruise and going to Europe. As friends, we celebrated every remission of her cancer together. One of my favorite memories was her taking Wayne and I out to eat at the best restaurant we had ever been to….the PRIMAVISTA…on a gift certificate left behind by a certain someone. We all dressed up and enjoyed a window seat overlooking Cincinnati making fun of the hoity-toity waiters…feeling a little out of place. She would say…” This is what life should be…celebrating good times!”

Another thing I appreciated about Jackie was her honesty—she said what she was thinking. There was no guessing about what she was feeling or thinking about a situation you were talking with her about. She would let me know in a good way the best way to help her or not help her right up until the very end. There is a lot to be said for that…

Last of all, I will never forget the last hospitalization when Wayne and I visited her---I saw her cry for the first time ever. She gave me a big hug telling me that she thought it was going to be IT when she came to the emergency room in an ambulance. She said “There is a path that is set out before me and I have to journey through it”…She told me she had been praying a lot and we prayed together several times in her last week…It wasn’t long after that she discharged herself from the hospital. I remember getting the text from her saying she was going home. I was surprised and asked, “Did the doctor discharge you or did you decide to leave?”…she texted back…”Piss on the doctors! I have had enough” After nine years, I told her it was OK to think that way…I never think of her as giving up but giving in to the cancer that was ravaging her body and making it unable to heal itself…after that point, she began to talk about death very openly and started making plans like it was one more thing she had to go through. She accepted it with grace and determination just like everything else in life. She was definitely more comfortable talking about it than the rest of us.

No matter what treatment she was going through…one thing was constant that kept her going…her determination to be here for her boys. She is so proud of both Ben and Michael and would tell me that over and over again even in her last days. I have learned from Jackie how to celebrate life and not take any moment for granted. It is comforting to me to think of her having a perfect body now…being at peace and being loved on by her Heavenly Father… I will have to say I am a little jealous of that! I will always treasure the gift of her friendship and the lessons she taught me in living and dying.

I'm Free

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.

I'm following the path God has laid you see.

I took His hand when I heard His call,

I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day, to laugh, to love,

to work or play.

Tasks left undone must stay that way,

I found the peace at the close of the day.

If my parting has left a void, then fill it with

remembered joys.

A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,

Oh yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow,

I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.

My life's been full, I savored much,

Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,

Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.

Lift up your hearts and peace to thee,

God wanted me now, He set me free.

-Unknown Author

MAY 26, 2011...MY SIX MONTH CHECKUP...

Having my six month check up the day before my kids graduated from high school was a reminder of how thankful I am for my health and the opportunity God has given me to celebrate this special time with them....

Everything was good according to Dr. Williams...I will probably be having my last surgery in August or September of this year.  He thinks that will be a good time....of course, there is alot of time to chicken out before then  LOL....I am so mixed about having this surgery...I don't think I will regret it...it is just something else to go through...something to think on and pray about...

Continue to pray for an end to cancer! 

A BLESSING FOR MY CHILDREN...

Ecclesiastes 3:11


God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart but even so people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from the beginning to the end.


I was drawn to this verse for both of you because my challenge for you would be to realize that God’s plans go beyond the “here and now”. Do not allow the disappointment and discouragements along your journey to adulthood change your focus or your attitude. Your ability to find satisfaction depends to a large extent upon your attitude. You will lose your focus if you lose the sense of purpose God intended for you—whatever that may turn out to be. You will stay focused in your life if you learn how to enjoy your work. Enjoying your work comes from remembering God has given you work to do, the fruit of your labor is a gift from Him and always see your work (no matter what it is…being a college student, doing what you are supposed to do the last two weeks of your senior year, working at a summer job, being in full-time ministry or not being in full-time ministry) as a way to serve God.


I love the phrase “God has planted eternity in the human heart”. You can never be satisfied with earthly pleasures and pursuits because you are created in God’s image. He has put a spiritual thirst in you that only He can satisfy. He has built in you a restless yearning for the kind of perfect world that can only be found in His perfect rule. You give your heavenly Father so much joy. You are from royalty! He loves you so much more than I am capable of with a much more perfect love. I have depended on His protection for your hearts, minds and bodies during the many times you have walked out the door. I will continue to pray for that as you move on during this journey to adulthood. Don’t ever forget you have eternal value because God loves you so much! You were in His thoughts before you were in mine!


In all of the experiences you have had in serving Him on mission trips and even locally, I have seen each of your hearts mature and develop in different ways. I have been so touched and inspired by the actions of love I have see you display completely on your own.


Laura Beth, when you were a freshman you anonymously bought a pair of shoes with your own money for a friend that had confided in you her family was having financial difficulties and didn’t have extra money to continue building their house they had started. Her shoes had holes in them and the soles were worn out. You found out her size without asking her and bought her a pair of shoes exactly like the ones she had on because you wanted to make sure she liked them and that they would fit. You had someone put them on her desk so they would be there when she came into class. I am sure she will never forget the pair of shoes that showed up on her desk one day!


Jonathan, it is so touching to see your servant’s heart whether it be on mission trips to Romania, Haiti, Memphis, New Orleans or even working with the middle school here at church. When we were in Haiti this past spring break, you were persistent in trying to get a little boy to smile for three days straight and finally he did. I love to see that persistence in you and maybe you can understand a little bit the frustration I have when trying to get you to smile for a brief moment for a photo. How incredibly sweet! I will never get after you for losing yourself on mission trips. You give and receive love more freely, your smile is bigger and it is easier to see God’s joy in your heart.


Jonathan and Laura Beth, you are a double blessing to me. I am so thankful God gave me you. I know this year will bring lots of changes in your life and I am excited for you but a little sad for myself to watch them happen. Our house will seem empty but hopefully a lot cleaner…Your daily presence will be missed greatly.


God has big plans for everyone’s life but so few are able to walk down that path because His perfect plan requires you to go out of your comfort zone and depend on Him. I have always prayed that you would both be open to His plans and that you would go where He can use you best. It is a little scary but exciting to graduate from high school and not know what is going to happen next but seek God through reading His Word and talking to Him everyday and it will become clearer to you.


Laura Beth, don’t be afraid to connect to those around you with a forgiving spirit—you have such insight into situations and at times are wise beyond your years. It can be one of your greatest attributes if used in the right way. Never forget your smile and keep your focus on the positive in your life and in those around you.


Jonathan, you smile has always been one of your greatest attributes since you were very little. It will get you far in relating and connecting to those around you. Keep in mind that your feelings may not always be reality—don’t react to your feelings about a situation. Give yourself time to respond after seeking God’s guidance. I have seen a lot of maturity in you lately especially in this area.


Your Poppy told me the day I went to Milligan College; your attitude is 99% of what happens to you. I truly believe that now 26 years later. There are many people that love you in this room—Wayne, myself, Mimi and Poppie as well as those that have played such an important part in your relationship with Jesus. We are so proud of the adults you are becoming. It is evident that God has an important place in your life and that is so encouraging. We will always love you no matter what happens—you are allowed to make mistakes and that will happen. Our arms are open wide at all times. Remember, you are never alone with God by your side!


I love you both,
Mom

P.S.  So thankful I am here to share this special celebration with you...

THIS IS LONG OVERDUE...

I meant to do this the beginning of May...my life has just slowed down enough from having two kids graduate and all of the end of the year happenings....

I have an awesome friend, Deana Tallent, that took it upon herself to run the THE FLYING PIG HALF MARATHON the first Sunday in May for CHICKS and CHUCKS, a local organization that helps people that can't afford treatment for breast cancer.  They are very involved in our local hospitals and made their name known to me the minute I was diagnosed.  Of course, I had to cheer her on the whole way...she even fell but didn't give up....even in the rain...YOU ARE THE WOMAN, DEANA---someone is going to be able to get the treatment they need, thanks to you!

Continue to pray for an end to cancer! 

AFTERTHOUGHTS of HAITI...

For those of you that don't know, I returned a week ago from a mission trip to Haiti with the student ministry from our church. Since I have come back, there are so many thoughts and things I remember swirling around in my head.  It has been mentally exhausting at times.  As I close my eyes to sleep, I envision the special needs children at the Miriam Center picturing where they are sleeping compared to where I am sleeping.  Pangs of guilt and questions fill my head...why do I get all these luxuries of life and those kids do not??  They deserve to have just as much as I have if not more...they are defenseless and have no way of truly being able to support themselves in a world that is so against them. In Haiti, if you give birth to a special needs child it is looked upon as a spiritual curse on your family.  Therefore, alot of special needs children are left to die, given away or taken to an orphanage for someone else to care for them.  I know that God has a special place in His heart for orphans and if  I am striving to have a heart like His there needs to be a special place in my heart for them too...How does that love for orphans turn into action....What can I do to make their lives different?    How do I "blend" what I have experienced into my life here in the States?  How can I make life different for orphans here where God has placed me?  God has given me so much and from His Word, I know He is going to expect alot in return. That is a sobering thought.  These are all questions I have been pondering over and over again as I am trying to process all of my experiences in my head.  The kids at the Miriam Center are being taken good care of according to Haitian standards.  They would not have been alive if the Miriam Center did not exist. They are doing the best they can with the resources they have.  According to American standards, it may not seem to be enough.  When you take a walk in the city outside Northwest Haiti Christian Mission's gates, you come back and it changes your perspective.  They would not survive outside these walls. They do not have access to any luxuries or basic necessities of life that we do...like electricity, medicine, running clean water, place to buy food, bug spray (definitely needed there) or cleaning supplies.  Northwest Haiti Christian Mission saves lives physically and spiritually. I experienced this firsthand in getting to know Angelina.  She was born at the birthing center at the mission with alot of special needs. She was given up by her mother without a name and left at the mission never being held in her mother's arms . She truly had no idea how to care for her knowing half of normal functioning children in Haiti die before the age of 5. Amelia and Ashley, interns at the mission, named her when they were holding her and loving on her.  It was a miracle that she survived the first three days, weighing only three pounds, having her eyeball outside of her body.  Having a very slow heartbeat but no way to find out what was going on and living on oxygen under a heatlamp since the incubator was broken.  She was not fed for the first 24 hours of her life because the mother wouldn't breastfeed her and she wasn't able to suck normally.  We finally got her to suck after many tries with a syringe--she could only handle a couple drops at a time.  I have to believe that God was holding her in His arms, loving on her with a healing love only He could give and she could feel.  She was born into a world already against her through no fault of her own. She is still fighting for her life off of oxygen and eating much better as of yesterday. God has a purpose for her days here on earth...maybe to teach us some lessons about His power and love.  There are many miracles happening at the Miriam Center and I am so thankful I got to witness one...little Angelina.  We are praying for you like crazy!  You are in God's hands no matter what happens...

I am so thankful I had the privilege and blessing of being able to share this experience with my children, Jonathan and Laura Beth.  Since this is their senior year, it is something I know I will cherish and remember forever.  I know we will never forget the life-changing moments we experienced in Haiti!

A RACE THAT GOES ON...

My friend's son, Dylan,  is running the RACE FOR THE CURE this Saturday.  He is so sweet to run it in honor of his Nana and myself.  Two survivors in his life that were diagnosed with breast cancer this past year and are doing great! Please consider supporting him in his efforts....He has a goal of $250 and just needs $175 to make his goal.  I know he can do it...thanks so much for helping him :)

DYLAN'S WEBPAGE

Continue to pray for an end to cancer!

TIME WITH A FRIEND IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL

Got to spend time with my dearest friend, Robin, this past weekend...It was great to have a little retreat from my crazy life for about four days...I know we will always be friends--don't you love people like that in your life?    I am so glad God loves us through other people...it is just a small taste of how great His love is for us...So thankful for our lifetime friendship!  Check out her incredible blog...you will be glad you did!

http://labyrinthwellnessllc.blogspot.com/