A YEAR AGO TODAY...11/6/2009

A year ago today I was diagnosed with breast cancer--what a year it has been.  So much to be thankful for and yet this "bump in the road" has not come with some adjustments that are continuing to be made....  I have been reflecting alot this week.  I could not do that without being so grateful to the Breast Center at SEMC--especially Terri Bogan, my nurse navigator, and her sweet comforting spirit as well as  Dr. Guenther ( I just love that man!)  and Dr. Williams (my perfectionist plastic surgeon)...My gratitude and love is never-ending towards Wayne, my husband, and his support and willingness to do what has been very difficult at times.  His understanding and patience with me on this journey still continues and I am so glad.  I know without a doubt I have married the right person :)  So thankful for my mom and dad's support and help with the kids as well as my friends--all the meals, prayers and extra help to cover for me at work...it made it so much easier for me and my family this past year.  Wayne continues to make my coffee every morning because he realized how much I loved that during my recovery from surgery. ( He thinks I was a princess in a former life...ha!)  As I have said before, there are some good things that can come out of the bad....LOL

As I look back on my journal entry from last year on November 6th I see how God has brought me through this...I don't normally share my journal with people because there are some things in there that might get me committed to the nearest psych unit but not these...I think about how good God is when I read these---

11/6/2009--( The day I was diagnosed with breast cancer--before and after)
God,
YOU never take your eye off of me--or the clock ticking over me---YOU love me and YOU are hard at work in my life--What are you trying to teach me with this little detour?  Satan seeks to destroy, steal our lives and everything of value to us--Jesus' purpose is to give life in all of it fullness--Satan can't win in this situation and I can't lose--no matter what the results are--I belong to God--Help me live it and believe it! EVERY DECISION IS FROM THE LORD--He is more that able to deliver me...no matter what happens!
What are YOU trying to teach me God?  I am trying to be open...to the leading of the Holy Spirit in my life...this detour has made me think...it is constantly on my mind--what would I get rid of in my life if I got diagnosed with cancer...something to think about, isn't it?  I have so many mixed emotions about it!  I can't even write about them for fear I would be feeding the emotions that aren't healthy --No matter what happens today--I will be OK--Wayne and I will be OK--He has been so supportive--He loves me and I know and feel that it will never go away--what a blessing that is to me :) I have been in situations where it is the opposite and I don't ever what to be in that again--Thank you Lord for giving Him to me--
God, I am praying for good news--I need to be here for my kids---In Your Name, Jennifer

God,
Not the news I really wanted to hear but there are good news--99.9% curable--STAGE 0 CANCER--NON-INVASIVE (so far)---we are focusing on that!  What an exhausting weekend it has been--mentally exhausting--I think I could sleep all day--Telling other people close to me and putting this on their plate is just not fair!
The lessons I need to learn are there--Help me to be open to them--Give me the stamina to do what I need to do to take care of myself--physically, mentally and emotionally--I want to look back on this as a positive in my life and my families' life--only YOU can do that--Keep me positive, focused and whatever I can do to fight this, I want to do it---
I need to get rid of stuff in my life that just doesn't matter--give me guidance in those decisions I need to make-I need to live in the present more and take advantages of opportunities around me to connect to people--my family, friends and those that have been walked this journey before me.  I know that will be positive and helpful...In Your Name, Jennifer
___________________________________
This morning Wayne surprised me and brought me my coffee and my favorite breakfast, a protein bar, while I was still in bed. He wished me a happy cancer-free anniversary...He remembers too how our life was turned upside down a year ago today----He told me he has made reservations at one of my favorite restaurants, Behle St Cafe, for tonight (what a sweet man he is!).  We are going to celebrate where we are today--being cancer-free and being more aware of what is most important to us and trying to live life like that everyday...even though somedays it is not easy--God is so good!